


In this universe

by Super_Starl8 (Starl8)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24307408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starl8/pseuds/Super_Starl8
Summary: This universe is different, and yet it isn't. She thinks of predestination, of freewill, of nature versus nurture. She tries to wrap her mind around what this all means until her head throbs.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	In this universe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dare121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dare121/gifts).
  * Inspired by [you can sit beside me when the world comes down](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293419) by [dare121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dare121/pseuds/dare121). 



This universe is different, and yet it isn't. She thinks of predestination, of freewill, of nature versus nurture. She tries to wrap her mind around what this all means until her head throbs.

  


-

  


It's the first time she brings Alex to this universe. She is nervous, self-conscious. Trying to blend in, to be human, to be invisible. These are traits she has ingrained so deeply in her universe. Traits acquired to protect herself and everyone around her. But here, these are traits she no longer requires. Traits she can shed like a skin if she's inclined to do so. Only, if she sheds them what remains of her? Who is she here? Who is she to Alex?

Alex has an even harder time letting go of who they are back home. She is nervous, her heart rate spiking at every chance. Her whole life has one purpose: to protect Kara. Above all. Whatever it takes. Whatever it costs.

Kara's heart breaks at the thought of how Alex's life has spiraled around hers. How she has not made one decision without factoring Kara in. How Alex's life has been put on hold the moment Kara set foot in her world. She tries to ignore how much her life impacts Alex's. Pretends that she cannot hear Alex cry out to her at night. Lets her wake up alone from one of her frequent nightmares where she has once again failed to protect Kara one way or another. She avoids looking at the dark circles under Alex's eyes in full daylight, knowing full well that she was the one that put them there in the first place.

"It's okay. There's no Kara Danvers here. You don't have to worry about me or my secret identity. To the people here, there's only one version of me. Only one version of you." She wonders if Alex understands what she is trying to say. What she is implying. What it is this universe offers. What this chance means. What it could mean to them.

"I guess you're right. I guess we don't have to worry about anybody recognizing us here. For any reason." Alex does understand and now it's Kara's heart rate that is spiking. 

She has mastered the art of suppressing her urges. First to protect others, then to protect herself. But no matter how much practice she has gotten in, she fails over and over again when it comes to suppressing her urges to touch Alex. To not just hear her heart beat, but to feel it beat steadily below her fingertips. Kara's grip on Alex's arm tightens. Just so.

With one smart banter Alex breaks the spell. Plays it safe. Safe. Always safe. Kara leans in, nudges their foreheads together. Acknowledging the moment for what it is. Another possibility gone by. Another possibility that hasn't felt like a possibility since high school. But Kara is not ready to resign just yet. Not ready to accept the fact that what was meant to be will never be.

And Alex's response lets her know that Alex is not ready to fully give up hope just yet either. 

  


-

  


This universe is different, and yet it isn't. Kara tries to think of all the different universes, of all the possibilities. Wonders how many versions of her are out there. Are happy. Not being denied what they want most. She is almost envious of them, but she is also not ready to trade in her reality either, even if she could. What she has is not nothing. She has something. Someone.

  


-

  


It takes them a while to re-adjust back home. They both retreat to their corners. When she sees Alex she can't help but notice the regret in her eyes, the regret she so deeply feels herself. It takes them a while, but they slowly accept their reality, returning to sister nights, shared ice cream, playing their respective roles.

It isn't for another three months that they return to Barry's universe. And as impossible as it seems Kara is even more nervous than she was the first time around. She worries that Alex will put her guards up. Avoid living in the moment out of fear of what will follow. But she needn't have worried. Alex is in the best mood Kara has seen her in in a long time. 

And so Kara unpacks her red dress. The dress that had made her blush while packing. The dress she had returned to the wardrobe twice, only to grab it again on her way out. She puts it on, chasing away thoughts of how it would feel to have Alex be the one to take it off later. 

She tries not to notice the spike in Alex's heart beat as she returns from the bathroom. Tries to ignore the slight widening of her pupils, the way she keeps her breath in for just a fraction of a second too long. The way Alex's back stiffens almost unnoticeably.

“I bought it years ago during the red kryptonite episode. I haven't had cause to use it since.” She knows it's daring. But if she can't be honest here, then where? Where can she speak her mind freely without having to worry about all the consequences her thoughts might have? 

Alex's body response tells her that they are fine. That all hard feelings have passed. That whilst it might not be forgotten, she is forgiven. And an immense rush of relieve washes over here. Relieve that they are fine. Relieve that they have survived this. Have survived this without coming out broken on the other side. It's as close to a perfect moment as Kara has ever imagined.

Relieve is replaced by curiosity, and she watches in the floor-length mirror the way Alex's dress curls itself around her in all the ways that Kara never lets herself see. Sees Alex for what she is, not for what she is meant to see. She watches still as Alex comes closer, finally stopping right behind her. She shivers when she feels gentle fingers run along her back. 

Kara relishes the moments they get together in this universe. The moments they get to be themselves. With each other. To each other. The moments they get to be close without inhibitions, without having to worry about appearances. 

She draws her finger along Alex's forearm, flinching when they run over a wide scar. A scar she put there. A scar covering a once broken bone. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“I don’t mind that so much. I'd rather be hurt by you than touched by anyone else”. Kara holds her breath, waiting for the inevitable. The inevitability of Alex pulling back. Of Alex realizing that she has said too much, has crossed the proverbial line. But it never comes. And Kara thinks that this earth is enticing with anonymity. With lack of responsibility. With escapability. 

It's dangerous.  
  
It's tempting.  
  
It's a fleeting moment created by a space and time vortex that blurs out everything else.  
  
For a time.

  


-

  


This universe is different, and yet it isn't. Kara is becoming curious. Curious of what this universe might have in store for her. For Alex. For the both of them.

  


-

  


She watches as a beautiful blonde sits down next to Alex at the bar. She watches as the woman buys Alex a drink. Watches as the woman leans in closer than she has to when handing the drink over. Watches how she tucks her hair behind her ears in an almost demure demeanor, watches how she wets her lips the next instant. Watches how she adjusts the way she is seated more than once, brushing Alex's legs each time in the process. 

And for once she doesn't suppress her jealousy. Doesn't let the fact that she is not supposed to feel this way dictate the way she does feel. 

On the contrary. She lets it wash over her. Savors this feeling of possessiveness. The feeling of Alex belonging to her, of her having a right to Alex. She lets the darkness run through her veins, lets it inhibit her higher thoughts, lets it cloud her judgment. Lets it mingle with desire, until her body fully responds, until her body feels like it has been electrified. She closes her eyes, submitting completely to the sensation.

When she opens her eyes again the other woman has vanished and Alex is looking straight at her. And from the look on her eyes Kara can tell that Alex knows exactly what is happening to her. Knows what she is doing to her. Knows the way Kara feels, knows that she is the sole cause of it. And whereas Kara would under normal circumstances run in a situation like this, run as far and as fast as she can, she is still high on desire. And so she stays. Stays and stares straight back at Alex. Daring her. Daring her to break eye contact first. Waiting for her to put an end to this moment. But Alex doesn't.

  


-

  


Barry’s earth is the same and yet it isn’t.  
  
It isn’t.  
  
Isn’t.  
  
Is.  
  
Isn’t.

  


-

  


This universe is different, and yet it isn't. Kara can't help looking at it in child-like marvel. 

  


-

  


It's not supposed to be this easy. It's never easy for them. Their universe never lets them catch a break. But here? It seems like this universe is trying to make amends for all the mistakes their universe has made. And by Rao do they deserve a break.

Each time they return to their universe it's a little harder but also a little easier to return back to normal. Sister nights, ice cream, platonic hugs. Platonic hands sliding across skin. Platonic kisses pressed to hair. Platonic nights spent intertwined in Kara's bed, Alex's sweat coating Kara's skin. And Kara tries. She really tries. Ignores the way her body responds to Alex's body. Tries to ignore the way Alex holds her at night. The way Alex's body inevitably ends up pressed against hers every time they share a bed. The way Alex excuses herself when they get too close. Tries to block out the sounds Alex makes when she disappears in the bathroom. 

It's platonic, Kara thinks. 

“Do you think I'm here, somewhere?” Alex asks. And by God has she wondered. But she has never looked. Afraid of what she might find. Of what she might not find. 

She brushes the underside of her jaw along Alex's hair, eyes closed. “I don’t want to know. I don't know what I'd do. I don't know, if... If I could...”

“I love you,” Alex whispers against the column of her throat. And it seems like this universe wants them to be together. Wants them to truly be together. And who is Kara to question her fate? 

She draws both hands to Alex's cheeks. 

“Do you?” Kara whispers, dropping her face so her lips slide along Alex's temple. “Do you love me? Here?” Is this universe enough for them? If this is all they ever get, will it be enough?

Her fingers splay, tipping Alex's face up so their eyes connect. 

“Yes,” Alex replies, breathless. “Here. Anywhere. Everywhere.”

And Kara knows that it will be enough. Eyes closing again, Kara tugs Alex into a kiss. A kiss between two different versions of them. Different and yet the same. Two versions of them that are allowed to feel what they feel, that do not have to hide who they are. Versions that are free. Finally free.

  


-

  


Barry’s earth is the same and yet it isn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on 'you can sit beside me when the world comes down ' by dare121. Thank you so much for the beautiful gift your work is!


End file.
